At the end of spring semester this year there was a BIG to do in my family. Everyone's feelings were hurt, there has been a lot of hurtful things said and a lot of broken hearts that may never be mended. I had a small part in this and feel that I was misunderstood with my intentions. The point isn't to argue and "prove" whether I am right or wrong. However, no matter who is right or wrong, a very important family member(s) left the country before anything was healed.
I was driving home tonight and just felt the urge to break down and cry. I have been under a HUGE amount of stress lately with work, school, family etc. Fortunately I have had the love and support of my husband and my family. But when I feel so overwhelmed I tend to let loose of my emotions a little easier.
I wanted to cry because it's at these points where I pick up the phone and call my sisters. I couldn't reach Natasha because she was at work, I was able to talk to Katrina and thank heavens because if I hadn't I probably would have pulled off the road to sit and bawl like a baby. But there was a major link missing in this circle of calling. Oh I get a huge lump in my throat whenever I think of the situation our family is in. WHY?!?!? It is so overwhelming to even start to think about the things that transpired. But I want so badly just to pick up the dang phone and call Mindy.
We are soooo different but at the same time soooo alike. Several years ago we were able to come to a basic understanding that we won't always agree on everything, so we agree to disagree. I wish that agreement would fix the spot we are in now. We have a very large family and it is constantly growing, but Mindy, Seth and the 4 awesome kids that I get to call my nieces and first nephew,are a still a huge part of this family.
So many things have been happening in our family and I just want to share these moments with her. I want her to be able to call me and tell me everything that is going on in Deutschland:) Tell me what it's like living in another country as an adult (we lived in Holland when we were little and I have always wanted to go back.) Tell me what her house is like, what the people are like and so much more.
This was the last picture taken of the 4 of us girls together. It was at the baby sister's wedding last June. I miss moments like these...
My hearts prayer is that one day we will all be able to be together again, with wounds mended, hearts full, loud laughter (heaven knows we can be loud), and doing the silly things we usually do.
My wish is that I could just pick up the phone or write an email or send a facebook message without worrying that I am doing something wrong or going to stir up problems.
I know that things have been incomprehensibly hard but Mindy I really love you and I miss you sooooo very much. With tears in my eyes and an unrecognizable fear in my heart that I will never be part of your life again, I just want you to know that I have never left you, I have always been here and I just want you to know that I pray for you and your family daily, and I think of you even more frequently than that. I love you so much!
Love you,
the big bossy sister
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